Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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