Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
