i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
