This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
