my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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