he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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