Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
