drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
