I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
