i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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