You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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