You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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