I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
