If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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