There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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