I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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