First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
