Farmville is her only friend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need to align my fucking chakras
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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