My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
