He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
