oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Less talking, more tequila
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
