my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
