he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
