you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
