Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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