eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize