Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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