Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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