I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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