We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
