Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
