Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
