Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
