i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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