do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
