you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
