Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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