She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
