woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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