My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
