Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Vodka?
Forever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
