I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
