he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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