I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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