So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
