anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
