Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
