Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
