apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So vagazzling was a success
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
