You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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