You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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