She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The adults are the big ones right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
