So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Fuck appropriateness.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
