Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
