did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
