we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You made out with two different species that night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
