epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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