i was born a porn star she said
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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