It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
