tell your sister to shave her snatch
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
