My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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