Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
