to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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