ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
from now on my penis is your penis
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
