is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A+ Viking dick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
