you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize