They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
