She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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