Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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