I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
