I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
In America we eat man semen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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