The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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