It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
