Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
