I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
