Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
