make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
