New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
as a side note pls kill me
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