remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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