you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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