I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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