I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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