i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Houston, we have a squirter
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
