Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
