You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have already put on my inside pants.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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