Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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