I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
